Amateur Haurar XXX

and for every minute that went by,

she swallowed a stone

they sat heavy

aching but not enough to cry

although she was mad she fooled herself

her stomach churned

rotten icecream,

who knew ice-cream could rot

before it was made

it was this ticking sense

time did not exist but

elapsed time was a countdown

negative space

like hallows of a cliffside being carved out

with explosives

maybe i shouldn’t have sent it

maybe it’s worth it to start throwing my own explosives

because admit your sad attempts

groundless, boundless, pathetic

short circuiting, while he clearly wants nothing to do with me

stupid stupid chances,

your intuition is a snake committing suicide

the other shoulder insists,

i’m redeeming my power

i’m taking that drunken elegance

and delusion and putting it into 

real time

like double gin and tonic

or never saying no to mezcal

or slugging back anything close to nail polish remover in adolescence

it was a misty haze and amber light reflected

off the vacant room

dust and smoke billowed

like a hipster western berliner classique

a tumble weed was kicked in with

secondhand doc martens.

he does not give a fuck about you,

eating your own poison

living an intimate fantasy

that fed the endorphin-driven


wasting youth

tracing for significance,

a sign,

like the strange man Apollo she met around the corner,



and aerospace.

she couldn’t be rid of the bellowing

maybe she should take up nicotine

why was he blind?


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